You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
