dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
