So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
