Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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