the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
