i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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