also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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