Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
