don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
