I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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