At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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