I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
