Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
