I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
