My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
