It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your cock deserves a montage
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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