i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You've changed since you got that strap on
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