i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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