You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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