aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize