Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Houston, we have a blender
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
