Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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