you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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