I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
