you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
