I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
