if you like me you must not know who I am
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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