i just google imaged poop.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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