I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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