im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
