Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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