I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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