Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
