I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
