you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
