yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize