I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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