I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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