Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize