good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
