I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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