hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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