Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
