dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
