Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize