I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
