Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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