so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
