I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently you make a good broom.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
