Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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