The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
