I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
