Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize