He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
