It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
