Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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