I love black thongs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
