i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
