I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
