WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
