He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
