best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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