This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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