I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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