I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
