My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
