the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
