Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
