everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
