a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
