Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
