i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize