There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
