ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
