things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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