i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
