You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
