If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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