...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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